she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
me + whiskey = a bad person
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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