I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
