the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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