As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
