did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i think i just lost a toe
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
