oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
