don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
