Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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