my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
