i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
