i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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