I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
