you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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