Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
