I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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