The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
ok first of all what the fuck
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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