I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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