well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
