He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
