WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
