he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
