he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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