Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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