There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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