either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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