How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
