It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
