fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
