what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
