Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
