You smell like stripper and shame
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
