is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
