I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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