Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
