This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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