There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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