I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The adults are the big ones right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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