My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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