he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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