I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
