I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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