she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
