are you still at the devil's house?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
