Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
