you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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