sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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