4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
