She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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