doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
