just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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