I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
