I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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