her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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